hey world. so guess what? i wish i wasnt so indifferent to everything. i wish i didnt second-guess things. and i wish there were no such things as options because then i would know what to do.

okay no i dont wish the last thing. but life, you would sure be a lot easier.

i have such a strong desire to become alive. and to have things spinning so fast around me that i cant see anything but everything looks like stars in the sky at night. and the wind would feel like it does those nights of early summer that you never want to end when the wind cools you down and sometimes you get bumps and sometimes you dont. and you feel so fresh and clean. and i would be wide awake.

and i am so lucky to have the people in my life that i do. i would describe them as normal. i look at some people and im like, uh i dont think we could ever be friends because youre not my definition of normal. and i know that sounds terribly elitist and self-centered and judgemental but its really not because i would be nice to them. because everyone has a different definition of normal. and to other people they are completely normal. and i am wierd to them. and maybe im wierd to you. but not to me.

i have got to see train in concert. it would be amazing. like matchbox twenty was amazing. i knew like every song and they were such beautiful songs. ohmygoodness.

i dont want to clean. and i dont want to research. and i dont want to read. and i dont want to walk outside in the cold. i just want to sit and think about my life and watch tv and rot my brains and read magazines.

i saw a gorgeous wedding dress today. at 'i do i do.' i loved it. it was vintage. and just...oh...so pretty.

i have an amazing family. i really do. my parents are amazing. and my brother is amazing. and so is my sister. and all of my grandparents are too. and i wish i could describe them more specifically, but amazing just covers it.

im gonna be nineteen tomorrow. i hope that i feel nineteen. today i didnt even feel eighteen. i felt, like sixteen or something. oh it was awful. but i hope i learn a lot when im nineteen.

i would say something here, but i dont wanna jinx anything. ive discovered that im pretty good at that.

voting makes me feel older. i feel like an educated american. and i feel patriotism.

im just feeling so many things right now and i cant describe them, and every song that comes on captures it all. not because of the words or what theyre about, but how they make me feel inside. more than anything - gavin degraw, black eyes blue tears - shania twain, never knew - the rocket summer, moondance - van morrison, calling all angels - train, what do you want from me now - hootie and the blowfish, stab my back - the all american rejects, the first time - lifehouse, vultures - john mayer trio.

i am so excited because i get to go to francesca's boutique soon. its one of the things i enjoy that makes me feel like an individual. makes me feel unique.

im going to change because ive found that when you look pretty, you feel pretty.

i can imagine this world where we can all just have fun all the time and not be constrained by time and have forever to do our schoolwork. because time is the worst factor in everything. time is the root of all evil.