hey world. so guess what? i wish i wasnt so indifferent to everything. i wish i didnt second-guess things. and i wish there were no such things as options because then i would know what to do.

okay no i dont wish the last thing. but life, you would sure be a lot easier.

i have such a strong desire to become alive. and to have things spinning so fast around me that i cant see anything but everything looks like stars in the sky at night. and the wind would feel like it does those nights of early summer that you never want to end when the wind cools you down and sometimes you get bumps and sometimes you dont. and you feel so fresh and clean. and i would be wide awake.

and i am so lucky to have the people in my life that i do. i would describe them as normal. i look at some people and im like, uh i dont think we could ever be friends because youre not my definition of normal. and i know that sounds terribly elitist and self-centered and judgemental but its really not because i would be nice to them. because everyone has a different definition of normal. and to other people they are completely normal. and i am wierd to them. and maybe im wierd to you. but not to me.

i have got to see train in concert. it would be amazing. like matchbox twenty was amazing. i knew like every song and they were such beautiful songs. ohmygoodness.

i dont want to clean. and i dont want to research. and i dont want to read. and i dont want to walk outside in the cold. i just want to sit and think about my life and watch tv and rot my brains and read magazines.

i saw a gorgeous wedding dress today. at 'i do i do.' i loved it. it was vintage. and just...oh...so pretty.

i have an amazing family. i really do. my parents are amazing. and my brother is amazing. and so is my sister. and all of my grandparents are too. and i wish i could describe them more specifically, but amazing just covers it.

im gonna be nineteen tomorrow. i hope that i feel nineteen. today i didnt even feel eighteen. i felt, like sixteen or something. oh it was awful. but i hope i learn a lot when im nineteen.

i would say something here, but i dont wanna jinx anything. ive discovered that im pretty good at that.

voting makes me feel older. i feel like an educated american. and i feel patriotism.

im just feeling so many things right now and i cant describe them, and every song that comes on captures it all. not because of the words or what theyre about, but how they make me feel inside. more than anything - gavin degraw, black eyes blue tears - shania twain, never knew - the rocket summer, moondance - van morrison, calling all angels - train, what do you want from me now - hootie and the blowfish, stab my back - the all american rejects, the first time - lifehouse, vultures - john mayer trio.

i am so excited because i get to go to francesca's boutique soon. its one of the things i enjoy that makes me feel like an individual. makes me feel unique.

im going to change because ive found that when you look pretty, you feel pretty.

i can imagine this world where we can all just have fun all the time and not be constrained by time and have forever to do our schoolwork. because time is the worst factor in everything. time is the root of all evil.

have you ever seen someone (a guy) and just known youre meant to know him? and that he could be such a stable character in your life? and that if you talked to him, you would be the person you want to be, without trying. and you know there is nothing wrong with him just by looking, even though they say you cant judge a book by its cover. but its not what he looks like, rather the way he looks. theres a difference. and it just says gentleman. and you know hes your type. to others, hes hansome, but to you, its a whole different feeling. and when you miss that opportunity and you dont get up and go talk to him, you might lose him forever. maybe im being dramatic, but i might have lost him forever. i feel silly talking this way. its really no big deal. but what if...

oscar wilde once said, "im not young enough to know everything." i feel like i know everything. i hope i always feel this way.

its nice to pick and choose what classes you want to take. to an extent we're limited, but we can learn about pretty much anything. in all my classes today and yesterday, i realized i want to know more on the subject. it felt so good to want to (actually) learn. i want to be fluent in spanish, and i think linguistics is really interesting and out of the ordinary. and history of the american economy blends history and economics just the right way and im loving it. and accounting is actually interesting to me, considering my new years resolution involving money and stuff. and walking, though it might seem wimpy, makes me feel like i did something active and i want to have a healthy lifestyle. all my teachers are great, knowledgeable, thorough, and LOUD! i think theres a little nerd in all of us.

i tend to walk fast everywhere i go. im not usually late, but i just have this need to get where im going, fast. and it bothers me when people walk super slow. i hope i at least look business-like and important when i walk briskly. like daysha. i dont particularly like her, but i think we are really really similar. i think if i didnt know me, i wouldnt like me. but anyways, she dresses amazingly and i love it. i like the idea of her, and i think i could like her, but shes like me and we dont make much effort to get to know people.

i have a wall of hott men on my wall. with special appearences by johnny rzeznik, josh holloway, channing tatum, zack effron, brad pitt, matthew mcconoughey, and many many more. i kid you not. holy cow they are steamy :)

i wish i played a musical instrument. especially the guitar, but any would be great. if i had a guitar, it would be dark cherry. i wont settle for the standard color everyone has. and i wish i could sing. life would then be a tiny bit better. and i could be all artsy and lay on the grass strumming my 6-string to whatever tune i wanted.

i have officially turned down two requests for fraternity formals. i feel bad i guess, but i love liz oh so much more. and i will visit her instead!

why do we identify people by their hair color. is that the most unique thing about us? or is it just the easiest thing to describe? ...so are we all essentially the same, or complicated? woah buddy!

i am sick and tired of adobe acobat professional. i just want to punch it. hard. makes me sick to my stomach to think of it. it is way too complicated for what it is supposed to do. and im tired of doing the recruitment guide. why on earth would you give that job to an office assistant? i mean seriously, i havent been trained for things like that. just because i made my desk all creative doesnt mean i am wonder woman of things requiring an aesthetic appearance.

college is wierd because some things are the same as before, and some things are different. seems like raising your hand to talk is elementary, but we still do it in small classes. i like that we can do what we want. we just have to do what they want us to do in order to succeed. which is what we want, right? to succeed? i wish we could just want to sleep until noon and be with friends all day and write or read or watch tv or facebook all day. then id have time for productive things. then id have time to succeed at being me.

its wierd. even though some people were your close friends in high school, sometimes they just dont feel like they belong in college with you. even if theyre changing too. they just make you feel young again, and you love being with them, but you want to feel different, collegeiate, new, fresh. and to other people they are new and exciting. but not to you. its wierd to think that the people you meet once knew other people, and to those people they are old and familiar and remind them of high school. but these are the people who are going to define college for you.