i was gonna put some lyrics from matchbox twenty on here, but i just couldnt decide on a song. and theres no room for them all - it would take pages. i love that band. and rob thomas. im so glad theyre back together. i have tickets to see them in january. and you can bet im super excited!!! ok fine i cant resist: "oh its me...its me, yeah well i cant get myself to go away. reach down your hand in your pocket, and pull out some hope for me. its been a long day, long day, aint that right?" ahhh i wanna put them ALL on here. thats just the one im currently listening to. go listen to them. thats an order. youll feel good i promise :)

i cant wait to not be a freshman anymore. and to live off campus. i think living off campus will make me feel so much more mature, collegiate, independent. gosh thats all i need isnt it? more independence.

my econ 2105 teacher is at that height where if youre sitting down, you cant figure out if she's tall or short. and sometimes youre like, "oh goodness she's so short." but sometimes she just seems so tall and sometimes theres no way to take a side because you just cant tell. and i can imagine myself about 2 inches shorter than her, or about 3 inches taller, and sometimes even the same height as her. it hurts my brain, but i really wanna know.

i get hit with leaves all the time when im walking to class. sometimes i like it because it seems so picturesque and movie-like but sometimes its so annoying and i feel like an idiot dodging leaves like bullets. the colors are gorgeous though. good time for picture-taking. cristina and kelly and me and maybe liz are gonna go to north campus and take pictures with cristinas amazing photography skills. and it will be so wonderful. i think im in love with north campus. im so glad im here at uga to walk through it every day. there should be movies made here. even in this drought with the fountains turned off its still such a romantic, peaceful, collegiate looking place. ahhhh...

im so jealous of the people who went to the uga-auburn game. SO jealous. the one game that would have been amazing beyond words. the one that would be different. THE ONE. ugh. i bought a tshirt for it...so throw me in jail :)

i miss that crazy girl. yeah her.

i want to see 'august rush' and 'across the universe' and 'atonement.' all starting with the letter "A". wierd. i also want some new music. some good, passionate music. is that so hard to ask for?

so in the movie 'evan almighty' (which isnt as bad as it looks) there's this whole scene. and the girl is talking to 'God" (but she doesnt know its him) and hes like, "if you ask for strength, God doesnt give you strength, but the opportunity to be strong." ohmygoodness i love it. kelly is such a cutie with her quotes :) it kinda goes with that bible verse thats on her board: "my grace is sufficient for you, my power is made perfect in weakness." all we need is God's grace (which we already have) and we can do anything. anything at all. for real.

i miss courtney. and youth council. but i love st joe's.

this writing is just not flowing or nice-sounding. i apologize.

i hate being cold.

ive come to the conclusion that you cant describe colors. its impossible. you can give a color a wavelength or suggest an object that takes on its shade, but neither would let someone see it in their minds if they have never seen it before. i think that makes colors special.

i want to write a book. but i dont know how. or what kind i would like to write. or why i want to write one. or where to start. or what i want to write about. these things are getting in my way. not to mention the factor of time. there arent enough hours in a day.

you know how people always say how wonderful the food is in other countries? i wonder if people from other countries like our food. or if they just think of it as less-good versions of their food. i think people dont like our food because we dont have our own signature type. but i wonder if american food really is as bad as people from other countries say it is. i think its just different. because i dont care what you say, arby's curly fries and wendy's junior bacon cheeseburgers and moe's quesadillas beat out all authentic food any day.

when im bored in class, i make schedules for my day. like this one i made for halloween:
5-5:45 eat
6-6:30 sleep
6:45-7 shower
7-9 study
9-9:45 get ready to leave
10-12 go out
it amuses me because i get out of class and forget about it. and then im going back through my notes and i see random schedules. and i dont remember what day they were for. but this one i remembered. i wasn't home until 1:30ish. seeing them makes me feel like i have a connection to something. and i have no idea why. i like it but sometimes it scares me and i dont know why.

sometimes i look at people when i pass them on my way to class. and i can imagine that if they were famous, people would think they were gorgeous. like they have intense blue eyes. or the perfect bone structure. or that messy-cute hair. but for now, people think theyre okay looking. i think that if i met a famous person that i think is gorgeous (aka johnny rzeznik) i wouldnt think he was so good-looking anymore. because i think the camera does it to you. ive never met someone who was drop-dead gorgeous like they are in the movies. ive seen beautiful people though.

i know i already posted today, but so much has happened since then. actually not much at all has happened since then. but what has, was worth posting about.

i dont think many people will read this blog, or comment on it, and i think i like it that way. so i can imagine that someone that doesnt know me will read it all the time and never comment. not in a freaky way, but just like a movie. that maybe my life and my thoughts can entertain someone. i think we like to think of our lives as important to people, and that everyone thinks of themselves as putting on a show for the rest of the world.

today after the game, i came back to my dorm, and i had kinda talked about watching a movie with some people, but you know what i did instead? i put on my pjs and watched 'love actually.' and i ate cookies and gizzled dr. pepper. and i dont know if this would have happened any other night, but i bawled my eyes out. but it was okay. it was a good cry. the good kind. i was happy. it reminded me that there is love out there. true love. and that if we settle for less, because we think we wont find it, then we'll miss out. and it also reminded me that sometimes you have to step back and look at whats right in front of you, and that these people you might actually love. and you cant let them get away. and even though i have no idea who i will fall in love with, it just comforted me. and i hope i remember that when i do think im in love. and that i give every guy a chance. because its whats inside that makes the man. i hope that God wants me to fall in love. i might not know you, but i hope that you can fall in love like that. i hope that one day you can be so happy that when you walk, you have to hold your breath or else your knees might give away beneath you. i hope that for you :)

somehow, school doesnt seem important after a night like this...

i have no idea what to say. i feel like i have so much inside me just waiting to escape onto this page, but im at a loss.

am i happy? i would say so. there are things about my life that i dont like. but i think im handling them well. and i dont do things i dont want to. i try to do the things God wants me to do. and i do the things that are necessary for me to be happy. i have the best family a girl could ask for. and i have the best friends i could ask for. in fact, my friends are so amazing that when i came to college, i couldnt find any that were better. so its a good thing that most of my bests are here with me. the other is in auburn. and i miss her always. but i see her. and i love her new life. and i wish she was more happy there. because you always hope for your friend's happiness. college isnt what either of us expected. and im still getting used to that.

im so emotional right now. well not really. but everything i write, i just want to delete it. its not doing justice to what im feeling. im feeling so sad and mellow. okay not sad. and not depressed...just...melancholy i guess. like jack's mannequin. and augustana. and john mayer. all combined into one melody. if that makes sense. i rarely have this feeling. im normally a steady girl. i dont really cry. im not crying now. but i feel like if i was, it would be okay and fit perfectly. being female is lovely.

i want to curl up on my futon in a blanket and paint my nails and drink hot chocolate and watch football. and then when i get tired of football after a few hours, i want to read a few of my fashion magazines cover to cover while listening to the goo goo dolls. i think if i did those things and someone was watching me, they would truly know who i am.

i love uga. and i loved that my family came to visit today. and that they came to the game. i love how everything is so fresh-looking at games. and it bothers me when half the stadium is in the shadows. i think they should treat their students better. i know the alumni are the ones paying, but they should be proud of their students and treat us for our hard work and passionate dedication to the team. the alumni had their turn, and now its ours. and i think they should make it the best experience for us. so that when we become alumni, we can reflect on our time spent here and remember how comfortable and well-taken care of we were. and donate so that others can have that too. i guess they do it because we dont care. we're just extremely loud and dont care if we're sticky from paint or if the sun is making us squint or if the band faces the other side. we just care that we're there. and i guess thats good enough.

i didnt finish a single thought. whatever.

i wish i could take my heart, and just translate everything into words. so that you could understand. but since thats impossible, ill try to decipher the crazy-complicated language of the heart.