i have no idea what to say. i feel like i have so much inside me just waiting to escape onto this page, but im at a loss.

am i happy? i would say so. there are things about my life that i dont like. but i think im handling them well. and i dont do things i dont want to. i try to do the things God wants me to do. and i do the things that are necessary for me to be happy. i have the best family a girl could ask for. and i have the best friends i could ask for. in fact, my friends are so amazing that when i came to college, i couldnt find any that were better. so its a good thing that most of my bests are here with me. the other is in auburn. and i miss her always. but i see her. and i love her new life. and i wish she was more happy there. because you always hope for your friend's happiness. college isnt what either of us expected. and im still getting used to that.

im so emotional right now. well not really. but everything i write, i just want to delete it. its not doing justice to what im feeling. im feeling so sad and mellow. okay not sad. and not depressed...just...melancholy i guess. like jack's mannequin. and augustana. and john mayer. all combined into one melody. if that makes sense. i rarely have this feeling. im normally a steady girl. i dont really cry. im not crying now. but i feel like if i was, it would be okay and fit perfectly. being female is lovely.

i want to curl up on my futon in a blanket and paint my nails and drink hot chocolate and watch football. and then when i get tired of football after a few hours, i want to read a few of my fashion magazines cover to cover while listening to the goo goo dolls. i think if i did those things and someone was watching me, they would truly know who i am.

i love uga. and i loved that my family came to visit today. and that they came to the game. i love how everything is so fresh-looking at games. and it bothers me when half the stadium is in the shadows. i think they should treat their students better. i know the alumni are the ones paying, but they should be proud of their students and treat us for our hard work and passionate dedication to the team. the alumni had their turn, and now its ours. and i think they should make it the best experience for us. so that when we become alumni, we can reflect on our time spent here and remember how comfortable and well-taken care of we were. and donate so that others can have that too. i guess they do it because we dont care. we're just extremely loud and dont care if we're sticky from paint or if the sun is making us squint or if the band faces the other side. we just care that we're there. and i guess thats good enough.

i didnt finish a single thought. whatever.

i wish i could take my heart, and just translate everything into words. so that you could understand. but since thats impossible, ill try to decipher the crazy-complicated language of the heart.