its amazing what blasting music and dancing like no one is around will do for your soul. what it can do for your spirits. and your mood. and its amazing what doing your hair and makeup and dressing up in something new and flattering can do for your self-image, and how it can make you feel fresh and ready to take on anything. and its amazing what buying something new can do to improve the rhythm in which you live your life. even if its something small. its amazing how all these things give you confidence.

and its amazing how one person can control how your day goes. how your emotions can fluctuate with the communication you have with that person. how you can reflect all day on one thing they said or they way they said it, and you can and come to some irrational conclusion because of it, and then they say something else, and your whole entire conclusion does a 360. and youre so sure of yourself...again. and its amazing how unstable you can be, when after so many years you've trained yourself to be the opposite. to be stable and unemotional and independent. and defensive. and its amazing how you can wish you didnt feel anything so you could be how you were before. so you could live life the way youve always known. so you can get rid of that vulnerable feeling. so you dont get hurt. but thats what makes it so exciting. that you could lose everything you want. its amazing how vague you can be so that, even though its ever so obvious, they might not know its them, just in case they read this.

i keep a lot of thoughts inside because i dont think other people feel the same way about a situation. and i push the thoughts back and convince myself im overreacting and no one else feels the same way about it. and i convince myself its not a big deal, because maybe then it wont be. and i ignore it so that maybe my worst fears wont be true. but then sometimes someone surprises me and shares with me that they are frustrated too. and they confide this in me. and i realize that im not irrational at all. and im not making something a big deal thats not a big deal at all. because maybe it is. and maybe ill never say anything or do anything to fix it. but im not crazy at all. and maybe people dont mean to do the things they do. and maybe they dont realize that sometimes they should do certain things. just to keep face. and im glad im not the only one who sees this.

i really dont want to grow up. ever. and i wont. i will always, always dance in my sweat pants when no one is home. and heat up leftover pizza because im too lazy to make anything else. and go on shopping sprees to fix things. and i will always smile...no matter who i am around, or how serious a situation is, or how adult-like i should be, because happy people cant hide that theyre happy.

and i will always be happy. and if im not, ill do everything in my power to make it so that i am. because life is so much more colorful when youre happy.