i'm going to the braves game tonight. hopefully it won't rain too much. i really really want one of those 70's style hats, even though i will probably never wear it. i hope it isn't awkward, but for once i feel like people actually want me there. like, for the first time in a longgg time, the number of people who want me there outweigh the number of people who don't. and i know that sounds harsh, but it's hard to not feel that way when people make mean side comments under their breath every time i open my mouth. i hope they know it doesn't make them a better person. that i am the bigger person for not reciprocating the comments. for ignoring them. but it's nice to know that clinton, brandon and kelly all asked me to go tonight. even though clinton probably just asked to be nice. actually, i have no idea why he asked...it wasn't like he had to or anything. i just want everything to be okay.

i'm glad that i went to the beach with casey, lauren, holly and anna. the weather could not have been more perfect, and the scenery wasn't so bad either ("man-handle it! it's not a woman, it's an umbrella!). kayaking wasn't as great as i expected...it's funny how it's so much less interesting when you only have a short stretch you can paddle in. the whole ashley thing was weird, but whatever. at least i can say that i've done it now. but those girls are a lot of fun, and i think we are going to continue to hang out, which is what i need. i need go-to people, i need people to party with. i also need my friends back. but until steven decides he's had enough space, it's not gonna happen. i can't even decide if i want things to be like they used to or not. part of me just wants to move on with my life. a lot of me wants this, actually.

i spent $110 at walmart, and i have no idea what i bought. i got a new computer at work. it's snazzy. huge screen, super-fast. i love it.

this thing at work is making my stomach do flip-flops. if i didn't have to go to the emergency room, everything would have worked out and gotten done. and none of this would be happening. it makes me mad that no one told me about this issue.

i also like jack. he's cute and reminds me of college things. and he makes me feel good.